These\ntherapists had the self-awareness to recognise how they were responding to\ntheir clients, and sought guidance from other professionals on how best to handle\nit, which is nothing less than admirable. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The\nrange of responses suggests that it can be a deeply personal matter to figure\nout how to deal with clients when the love simply isn\u2019t there. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
What Can We Fall\nBack On When We\u2019re Not Sure What To Do?<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nThe\nfirst step is recognising that there is a problem. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
From\nthere, we can either place blame for the problem entirely on the client \u2013 which\nmay be entirely appropriate if the client has done something illegal or\ngrievously offensive \u2013 or we can look at it as a relational problem in which two<\/em> people, ourselves included, are\nexperiencing some sort of clash. This means we can play a productive (maybe\neven therapeutic) role in resolving whatever the clash is. <\/p>\n\n\n\nSeek To\nUnderstand Yourself<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nTo better understand our reactions to people, we can consider the three elements of feelings<\/em>, thoughts <\/em>and behaviours<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nFeelings<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nWhat\nam I feeling<\/em> about the problem?<\/p>\n\n\n\nIn\nthe examples above from the AMT Facebook group, the therapists felt annoyed,\nfrustrated, insulted and uncomfortable. Feelings like these start out as\nadaptive (or healthy) reactions to perceived threats but, unchecked, can lead\nus to respond in unhelpful or perhaps even harmful ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If\nyou\u2019re not in touch with your emotions and their physiological signs, you might\nstruggle to even recognise there is a problem in the first place. Consciously check\nin with your emotions during treatments. Are you noticing anger? Disgust? Fear?\nSurprise? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Without trying to shift the emotion, notice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- What\ndoes it feel like for you?<\/li>
- Where\ndo you feel it in your body?<\/li>
- Is\nthere tightness in your chest?<\/li>
- Is\nyour face flushed?<\/li>
- Are\nyou holding your breath?<\/li>
- Is\nit painful to feel or is it somehow comforting? (For example, if you\u2019ve lived\nwith unresolved anger long enough, its absence will feel less comfortable than\nits presence.) <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
When\nyou can recognise what particular emotions feel like in your body, it\u2019s easier\nto notice them when they arise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thoughts<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nWhat\nam I thinking<\/em> that is contributing to\nthe problem? <\/p>\n\n\n\nIt\ncan be helpful to know what our core beliefs are. These are the beliefs that\ndrive our actions. They include beliefs about how people should be and how\npeople should treat us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Imagine\nyour client spends half the massage swiping through their phone. If you see\nthis as disrespectful and your core belief is \u2018I can\u2019t tolerate being\ndisrespected\u2019, there is going to be a problem in the relationship. If you see\nit as disrespectful and your core belief is \u2018I don\u2019t deserve respect\u2019, you are\ngoing to finish the massage feeling depleted, with your negative self-beliefs\nconfirmed. When the client rebooks, those thoughts will be stirred again and\nyou\u2019ll start the treatment from a position of vulnerability. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Obviously,\nneither of these situations is ideal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If,\nhowever, you see it as disrespectful and your core belief is \u2018I deserve\nrespect, but people won\u2019t always know how to give it to me\u2019, it\u2019s going to be\neasier to move on and allow the client to get from the massage what they can.\nWhile the client\u2019s treatment is not what you would like it to be, it\u2019s going to\nleave you feeling less negative once the client has gone, and perhaps lead to a\nmore neutral attitude of curiosity rather than emotion-laden judgement, e.g. \u2018I\nwonder where the client learned this behaviour\u2019 or \u2018I wonder what need this\nphone use fulfils for the client.\u2019 This is more likely to lead us toward\nhelping the client. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Also,\nconsider your beliefs around likeability. Do you require your clients to be\nlikeable? Do you give yourself permission to dislike people? Can you still\nrelate and empathise with people you don\u2019t necessarily like? Do you need people\nto like you? How do you respond if you sense that someone doesn\u2019t like you? Is\nlikeability a black-and-white concept? Is it okay to like some things about\npeople but not other things?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Behaviours<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nThink\nabout how your feelings and thoughts determine your behaviours<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nLet\u2019s\nconsider the therapist who wanted to stop treating the \u2018weirdo\u2019 client. Even\nthough the client had not done anything \u2018untoward\u2019, the therapist recognised an\nuncomfortable feeling and asked the clinic receptionist to make up a story so they\ncould avoid seeing the client again. This way they could remain comfortable at\nwork and avoid directly insulting the client: a practical and reasonable response\n(as long as the therapist could tolerate the potential discomfort of lying).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\ncould get more out of the experience by adding one more step to the process. It\nmight be helpful to dig into this impression of the client\u2019s \u2018weirdo-ness\u2019.\nWhat was it, specifically, that seemed weird? Were there specific triggers for\nthe discomfort? Was it a specific tone of voice? A laugh? A physical feature? A\ngesture? A turn of phrase? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
These\nmight be difficult or unpleasant things to think about, but knowing that those\ntriggers evoke discomfort could make them easier to deal with next time they\nshow up, and could help to separate the client\u2019s issues from those of the\ntherapist. Knowing where our problems end and the client\u2019s problems begin allows\nus to be clear about our boundaries, which helps to protect us and our clients.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seek To\nUnderstand Your Clients<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nIf\nself-awareness is the first step in managing relationships with clients, the\nsecond step must be something like \u2018other-awareness\u2019, which is the result of an\nattitude of curiosity<\/em> and concern<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nCuriosity\nhelps us to ask questions and seek understanding. The questions we ask out of\ngenuine curiosity are not rhetorical \u2013 we don\u2019t have an answer in mind when we\nask them. They are open to all possibilities and may well result in an answer\nof \u2018I don\u2019t know\u2019. Curiosity is, therefore, free of judgement. It allows us to\nset aside our prejudices and wonder about what our clients\u2019 experiences might\nbe. This doesn\u2019t mean that we spend our whole session asking the client\nquestions. It is more about fostering an attitude in ourselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s\ngo back to our \u2018weirdo\u2019 client. Whatever it is that the therapist finds\noff-putting in this client\u2019s behaviour is likely to have been received\nsimilarly by other people in the client\u2019s life. Perhaps there is an aggressive\nundertone to the client\u2019s way of speaking. It\u2019s inappropriately loud and\nhigh-pitched. As massage therapists, it may well be outside our scope of\npractice to take on the responsibility of telling them. So we may decide that\nit\u2019s something we cannot tolerate and make up a story to offload the client. No\nreal harm done. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or<\/em> we might wonder\nabout the client\u2019s situation. What could have led to the client speaking in\nthis way? Maybe the client was raised in an environment where that was the\nnormal way of speaking. Maybe the client has life stressors at the moment.\nMaybe it\u2019s a way of masking anxiety. Maybe the client has never been told that\ntheir manner of speaking comes across as aggressive, because maybe people are\ntoo scared to tell them. We might never know the answer, and that\u2019s okay. <\/p>\n\n\n\nBut\nbecause we\u2019ve been curious, we\u2019ve taken the \u2018weirdo\u2019 element out of play. The\nclient has gone from \u2018weirdo\u2019 to \u2018person\u2019. From that point we can begin to\nformulate a treatment plan that addresses the needs of the person in front of\nus, not the weirdo we think they are. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seek To\nUnderstand Yourself<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nTo better understand our reactions to people, we can consider the three elements of feelings<\/em>, thoughts <\/em>and behaviours<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nFeelings<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nWhat\nam I feeling<\/em> about the problem?<\/p>\n\n\n\nIn\nthe examples above from the AMT Facebook group, the therapists felt annoyed,\nfrustrated, insulted and uncomfortable. Feelings like these start out as\nadaptive (or healthy) reactions to perceived threats but, unchecked, can lead\nus to respond in unhelpful or perhaps even harmful ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If\nyou\u2019re not in touch with your emotions and their physiological signs, you might\nstruggle to even recognise there is a problem in the first place. Consciously check\nin with your emotions during treatments. Are you noticing anger? Disgust? Fear?\nSurprise? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Without trying to shift the emotion, notice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- What\ndoes it feel like for you?<\/li>
- Where\ndo you feel it in your body?<\/li>
- Is\nthere tightness in your chest?<\/li>
- Is\nyour face flushed?<\/li>
- Are\nyou holding your breath?<\/li>
- Is\nit painful to feel or is it somehow comforting? (For example, if you\u2019ve lived\nwith unresolved anger long enough, its absence will feel less comfortable than\nits presence.) <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
When\nyou can recognise what particular emotions feel like in your body, it\u2019s easier\nto notice them when they arise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thoughts<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nWhat\nam I thinking<\/em> that is contributing to\nthe problem? <\/p>\n\n\n\nIt\ncan be helpful to know what our core beliefs are. These are the beliefs that\ndrive our actions. They include beliefs about how people should be and how\npeople should treat us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Imagine\nyour client spends half the massage swiping through their phone. If you see\nthis as disrespectful and your core belief is \u2018I can\u2019t tolerate being\ndisrespected\u2019, there is going to be a problem in the relationship. If you see\nit as disrespectful and your core belief is \u2018I don\u2019t deserve respect\u2019, you are\ngoing to finish the massage feeling depleted, with your negative self-beliefs\nconfirmed. When the client rebooks, those thoughts will be stirred again and\nyou\u2019ll start the treatment from a position of vulnerability. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Obviously,\nneither of these situations is ideal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If,\nhowever, you see it as disrespectful and your core belief is \u2018I deserve\nrespect, but people won\u2019t always know how to give it to me\u2019, it\u2019s going to be\neasier to move on and allow the client to get from the massage what they can.\nWhile the client\u2019s treatment is not what you would like it to be, it\u2019s going to\nleave you feeling less negative once the client has gone, and perhaps lead to a\nmore neutral attitude of curiosity rather than emotion-laden judgement, e.g. \u2018I\nwonder where the client learned this behaviour\u2019 or \u2018I wonder what need this\nphone use fulfils for the client.\u2019 This is more likely to lead us toward\nhelping the client. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Also,\nconsider your beliefs around likeability. Do you require your clients to be\nlikeable? Do you give yourself permission to dislike people? Can you still\nrelate and empathise with people you don\u2019t necessarily like? Do you need people\nto like you? How do you respond if you sense that someone doesn\u2019t like you? Is\nlikeability a black-and-white concept? Is it okay to like some things about\npeople but not other things?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Behaviours<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nThink\nabout how your feelings and thoughts determine your behaviours<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nLet\u2019s\nconsider the therapist who wanted to stop treating the \u2018weirdo\u2019 client. Even\nthough the client had not done anything \u2018untoward\u2019, the therapist recognised an\nuncomfortable feeling and asked the clinic receptionist to make up a story so they\ncould avoid seeing the client again. This way they could remain comfortable at\nwork and avoid directly insulting the client: a practical and reasonable response\n(as long as the therapist could tolerate the potential discomfort of lying).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\ncould get more out of the experience by adding one more step to the process. It\nmight be helpful to dig into this impression of the client\u2019s \u2018weirdo-ness\u2019.\nWhat was it, specifically, that seemed weird? Were there specific triggers for\nthe discomfort? Was it a specific tone of voice? A laugh? A physical feature? A\ngesture? A turn of phrase? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
These\nmight be difficult or unpleasant things to think about, but knowing that those\ntriggers evoke discomfort could make them easier to deal with next time they\nshow up, and could help to separate the client\u2019s issues from those of the\ntherapist. Knowing where our problems end and the client\u2019s problems begin allows\nus to be clear about our boundaries, which helps to protect us and our clients.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seek To\nUnderstand Your Clients<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nIf\nself-awareness is the first step in managing relationships with clients, the\nsecond step must be something like \u2018other-awareness\u2019, which is the result of an\nattitude of curiosity<\/em> and concern<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nCuriosity\nhelps us to ask questions and seek understanding. The questions we ask out of\ngenuine curiosity are not rhetorical \u2013 we don\u2019t have an answer in mind when we\nask them. They are open to all possibilities and may well result in an answer\nof \u2018I don\u2019t know\u2019. Curiosity is, therefore, free of judgement. It allows us to\nset aside our prejudices and wonder about what our clients\u2019 experiences might\nbe. This doesn\u2019t mean that we spend our whole session asking the client\nquestions. It is more about fostering an attitude in ourselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s\ngo back to our \u2018weirdo\u2019 client. Whatever it is that the therapist finds\noff-putting in this client\u2019s behaviour is likely to have been received\nsimilarly by other people in the client\u2019s life. Perhaps there is an aggressive\nundertone to the client\u2019s way of speaking. It\u2019s inappropriately loud and\nhigh-pitched. As massage therapists, it may well be outside our scope of\npractice to take on the responsibility of telling them. So we may decide that\nit\u2019s something we cannot tolerate and make up a story to offload the client. No\nreal harm done. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or<\/em> we might wonder\nabout the client\u2019s situation. What could have led to the client speaking in\nthis way? Maybe the client was raised in an environment where that was the\nnormal way of speaking. Maybe the client has life stressors at the moment.\nMaybe it\u2019s a way of masking anxiety. Maybe the client has never been told that\ntheir manner of speaking comes across as aggressive, because maybe people are\ntoo scared to tell them. We might never know the answer, and that\u2019s okay. <\/p>\n\n\n\nBut\nbecause we\u2019ve been curious, we\u2019ve taken the \u2018weirdo\u2019 element out of play. The\nclient has gone from \u2018weirdo\u2019 to \u2018person\u2019. From that point we can begin to\nformulate a treatment plan that addresses the needs of the person in front of\nus, not the weirdo we think they are. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Feelings<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nWhat\nam I feeling<\/em> about the problem?<\/p>\n\n\n\nIn\nthe examples above from the AMT Facebook group, the therapists felt annoyed,\nfrustrated, insulted and uncomfortable. Feelings like these start out as\nadaptive (or healthy) reactions to perceived threats but, unchecked, can lead\nus to respond in unhelpful or perhaps even harmful ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If\nyou\u2019re not in touch with your emotions and their physiological signs, you might\nstruggle to even recognise there is a problem in the first place. Consciously check\nin with your emotions during treatments. Are you noticing anger? Disgust? Fear?\nSurprise? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Without trying to shift the emotion, notice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- What\ndoes it feel like for you?<\/li>
- Where\ndo you feel it in your body?<\/li>
- Is\nthere tightness in your chest?<\/li>
- Is\nyour face flushed?<\/li>
- Are\nyou holding your breath?<\/li>
- Is\nit painful to feel or is it somehow comforting? (For example, if you\u2019ve lived\nwith unresolved anger long enough, its absence will feel less comfortable than\nits presence.) <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
When\nyou can recognise what particular emotions feel like in your body, it\u2019s easier\nto notice them when they arise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thoughts<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nWhat\nam I thinking<\/em> that is contributing to\nthe problem? <\/p>\n\n\n\nIt\ncan be helpful to know what our core beliefs are. These are the beliefs that\ndrive our actions. They include beliefs about how people should be and how\npeople should treat us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Imagine\nyour client spends half the massage swiping through their phone. If you see\nthis as disrespectful and your core belief is \u2018I can\u2019t tolerate being\ndisrespected\u2019, there is going to be a problem in the relationship. If you see\nit as disrespectful and your core belief is \u2018I don\u2019t deserve respect\u2019, you are\ngoing to finish the massage feeling depleted, with your negative self-beliefs\nconfirmed. When the client rebooks, those thoughts will be stirred again and\nyou\u2019ll start the treatment from a position of vulnerability. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Obviously,\nneither of these situations is ideal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If,\nhowever, you see it as disrespectful and your core belief is \u2018I deserve\nrespect, but people won\u2019t always know how to give it to me\u2019, it\u2019s going to be\neasier to move on and allow the client to get from the massage what they can.\nWhile the client\u2019s treatment is not what you would like it to be, it\u2019s going to\nleave you feeling less negative once the client has gone, and perhaps lead to a\nmore neutral attitude of curiosity rather than emotion-laden judgement, e.g. \u2018I\nwonder where the client learned this behaviour\u2019 or \u2018I wonder what need this\nphone use fulfils for the client.\u2019 This is more likely to lead us toward\nhelping the client. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Also,\nconsider your beliefs around likeability. Do you require your clients to be\nlikeable? Do you give yourself permission to dislike people? Can you still\nrelate and empathise with people you don\u2019t necessarily like? Do you need people\nto like you? How do you respond if you sense that someone doesn\u2019t like you? Is\nlikeability a black-and-white concept? Is it okay to like some things about\npeople but not other things?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Behaviours<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nThink\nabout how your feelings and thoughts determine your behaviours<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nLet\u2019s\nconsider the therapist who wanted to stop treating the \u2018weirdo\u2019 client. Even\nthough the client had not done anything \u2018untoward\u2019, the therapist recognised an\nuncomfortable feeling and asked the clinic receptionist to make up a story so they\ncould avoid seeing the client again. This way they could remain comfortable at\nwork and avoid directly insulting the client: a practical and reasonable response\n(as long as the therapist could tolerate the potential discomfort of lying).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\ncould get more out of the experience by adding one more step to the process. It\nmight be helpful to dig into this impression of the client\u2019s \u2018weirdo-ness\u2019.\nWhat was it, specifically, that seemed weird? Were there specific triggers for\nthe discomfort? Was it a specific tone of voice? A laugh? A physical feature? A\ngesture? A turn of phrase? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
These\nmight be difficult or unpleasant things to think about, but knowing that those\ntriggers evoke discomfort could make them easier to deal with next time they\nshow up, and could help to separate the client\u2019s issues from those of the\ntherapist. Knowing where our problems end and the client\u2019s problems begin allows\nus to be clear about our boundaries, which helps to protect us and our clients.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seek To\nUnderstand Your Clients<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\nIf\nself-awareness is the first step in managing relationships with clients, the\nsecond step must be something like \u2018other-awareness\u2019, which is the result of an\nattitude of curiosity<\/em> and concern<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\nCuriosity\nhelps us to ask questions and seek understanding. The questions we ask out of\ngenuine curiosity are not rhetorical \u2013 we don\u2019t have an answer in mind when we\nask them. They are open to all possibilities and may well result in an answer\nof \u2018I don\u2019t know\u2019. Curiosity is, therefore, free of judgement. It allows us to\nset aside our prejudices and wonder about what our clients\u2019 experiences might\nbe. This doesn\u2019t mean that we spend our whole session asking the client\nquestions. It is more about fostering an attitude in ourselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s\ngo back to our \u2018weirdo\u2019 client. Whatever it is that the therapist finds\noff-putting in this client\u2019s behaviour is likely to have been received\nsimilarly by other people in the client\u2019s life. Perhaps there is an aggressive\nundertone to the client\u2019s way of speaking. It\u2019s inappropriately loud and\nhigh-pitched. As massage therapists, it may well be outside our scope of\npractice to take on the responsibility of telling them. So we may decide that\nit\u2019s something we cannot tolerate and make up a story to offload the client. No\nreal harm done. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or<\/em> we might wonder\nabout the client\u2019s situation. What could have led to the client speaking in\nthis way? Maybe the client was raised in an environment where that was the\nnormal way of speaking. Maybe the client has life stressors at the moment.\nMaybe it\u2019s a way of masking anxiety. Maybe the client has never been told that\ntheir manner of speaking comes across as aggressive, because maybe people are\ntoo scared to tell them. We might never know the answer, and that\u2019s okay. <\/p>\n\n\n\nBut\nbecause we\u2019ve been curious, we\u2019ve taken the \u2018weirdo\u2019 element out of play. The\nclient has gone from \u2018weirdo\u2019 to \u2018person\u2019. From that point we can begin to\nformulate a treatment plan that addresses the needs of the person in front of\nus, not the weirdo we think they are. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
In\nthe examples above from the AMT Facebook group, the therapists felt annoyed,\nfrustrated, insulted and uncomfortable. Feelings like these start out as\nadaptive (or healthy) reactions to perceived threats but, unchecked, can lead\nus to respond in unhelpful or perhaps even harmful ways.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If\nyou\u2019re not in touch with your emotions and their physiological signs, you might\nstruggle to even recognise there is a problem in the first place. Consciously check\nin with your emotions during treatments. Are you noticing anger? Disgust? Fear?\nSurprise? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Without trying to shift the emotion, notice:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- What\ndoes it feel like for you?<\/li>
- Where\ndo you feel it in your body?<\/li>
- Is\nthere tightness in your chest?<\/li>
- Is\nyour face flushed?<\/li>
- Are\nyou holding your breath?<\/li>
- Is\nit painful to feel or is it somehow comforting? (For example, if you\u2019ve lived\nwith unresolved anger long enough, its absence will feel less comfortable than\nits presence.) <\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
When\nyou can recognise what particular emotions feel like in your body, it\u2019s easier\nto notice them when they arise. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Thoughts<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
What\nam I thinking<\/em> that is contributing to\nthe problem? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\ncan be helpful to know what our core beliefs are. These are the beliefs that\ndrive our actions. They include beliefs about how people should be and how\npeople should treat us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Imagine\nyour client spends half the massage swiping through their phone. If you see\nthis as disrespectful and your core belief is \u2018I can\u2019t tolerate being\ndisrespected\u2019, there is going to be a problem in the relationship. If you see\nit as disrespectful and your core belief is \u2018I don\u2019t deserve respect\u2019, you are\ngoing to finish the massage feeling depleted, with your negative self-beliefs\nconfirmed. When the client rebooks, those thoughts will be stirred again and\nyou\u2019ll start the treatment from a position of vulnerability. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Obviously,\nneither of these situations is ideal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
If,\nhowever, you see it as disrespectful and your core belief is \u2018I deserve\nrespect, but people won\u2019t always know how to give it to me\u2019, it\u2019s going to be\neasier to move on and allow the client to get from the massage what they can.\nWhile the client\u2019s treatment is not what you would like it to be, it\u2019s going to\nleave you feeling less negative once the client has gone, and perhaps lead to a\nmore neutral attitude of curiosity rather than emotion-laden judgement, e.g. \u2018I\nwonder where the client learned this behaviour\u2019 or \u2018I wonder what need this\nphone use fulfils for the client.\u2019 This is more likely to lead us toward\nhelping the client. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Also,\nconsider your beliefs around likeability. Do you require your clients to be\nlikeable? Do you give yourself permission to dislike people? Can you still\nrelate and empathise with people you don\u2019t necessarily like? Do you need people\nto like you? How do you respond if you sense that someone doesn\u2019t like you? Is\nlikeability a black-and-white concept? Is it okay to like some things about\npeople but not other things?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Behaviours<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
Think\nabout how your feelings and thoughts determine your behaviours<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s\nconsider the therapist who wanted to stop treating the \u2018weirdo\u2019 client. Even\nthough the client had not done anything \u2018untoward\u2019, the therapist recognised an\nuncomfortable feeling and asked the clinic receptionist to make up a story so they\ncould avoid seeing the client again. This way they could remain comfortable at\nwork and avoid directly insulting the client: a practical and reasonable response\n(as long as the therapist could tolerate the potential discomfort of lying).<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We\ncould get more out of the experience by adding one more step to the process. It\nmight be helpful to dig into this impression of the client\u2019s \u2018weirdo-ness\u2019.\nWhat was it, specifically, that seemed weird? Were there specific triggers for\nthe discomfort? Was it a specific tone of voice? A laugh? A physical feature? A\ngesture? A turn of phrase? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
These\nmight be difficult or unpleasant things to think about, but knowing that those\ntriggers evoke discomfort could make them easier to deal with next time they\nshow up, and could help to separate the client\u2019s issues from those of the\ntherapist. Knowing where our problems end and the client\u2019s problems begin allows\nus to be clear about our boundaries, which helps to protect us and our clients.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Seek To\nUnderstand Your Clients<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n
If\nself-awareness is the first step in managing relationships with clients, the\nsecond step must be something like \u2018other-awareness\u2019, which is the result of an\nattitude of curiosity<\/em> and concern<\/em>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Curiosity\nhelps us to ask questions and seek understanding. The questions we ask out of\ngenuine curiosity are not rhetorical \u2013 we don\u2019t have an answer in mind when we\nask them. They are open to all possibilities and may well result in an answer\nof \u2018I don\u2019t know\u2019. Curiosity is, therefore, free of judgement. It allows us to\nset aside our prejudices and wonder about what our clients\u2019 experiences might\nbe. This doesn\u2019t mean that we spend our whole session asking the client\nquestions. It is more about fostering an attitude in ourselves. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let\u2019s\ngo back to our \u2018weirdo\u2019 client. Whatever it is that the therapist finds\noff-putting in this client\u2019s behaviour is likely to have been received\nsimilarly by other people in the client\u2019s life. Perhaps there is an aggressive\nundertone to the client\u2019s way of speaking. It\u2019s inappropriately loud and\nhigh-pitched. As massage therapists, it may well be outside our scope of\npractice to take on the responsibility of telling them. So we may decide that\nit\u2019s something we cannot tolerate and make up a story to offload the client. No\nreal harm done. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Or<\/em> we might wonder\nabout the client\u2019s situation. What could have led to the client speaking in\nthis way? Maybe the client was raised in an environment where that was the\nnormal way of speaking. Maybe the client has life stressors at the moment.\nMaybe it\u2019s a way of masking anxiety. Maybe the client has never been told that\ntheir manner of speaking comes across as aggressive, because maybe people are\ntoo scared to tell them. We might never know the answer, and that\u2019s okay. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
But\nbecause we\u2019ve been curious, we\u2019ve taken the \u2018weirdo\u2019 element out of play. The\nclient has gone from \u2018weirdo\u2019 to \u2018person\u2019. From that point we can begin to\nformulate a treatment plan that addresses the needs of the person in front of\nus, not the weirdo we think they are. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
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