{"id":2523,"date":"2020-03-30T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2020-03-29T22:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.amt.org.au\/?p=2523"},"modified":"2021-10-07T09:04:42","modified_gmt":"2021-10-06T22:04:42","slug":"you-dont-have-to-get-through-it-perfectly","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.amt.org.au\/index.php\/2020\/03\/30\/you-dont-have-to-get-through-it-perfectly\/","title":{"rendered":"You Don\u2019t Have to Get Through it Perfectly"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

A lot of massage therapists have closed their doors to protect themselves and their clients from COVID-19. But not working for people whose main role is helping others has presented a few challenges. We put in a call to Melbourne-based massage therapist and psychotherapist, Tim Clark, to share his wisdom.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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AMT Blog: Hi Tim, thanks for chatting with me today.\nBefore I start talking about myself, how are you?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Tim:<\/strong> I\u2019m good today and thank you for asking. Wasn\u2019t\ngreat yesterday, but that\u2019s how it seems to go at the moment. It\u2019s so important\nfor us to be checking in with people, and it\u2019s so nice to be checked-in on! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Like most of us, I\u2019ve stopped massaging, which knocks out\nwell over half my income, but I am still able to continue counselling, albeit\nremotely. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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AMT Blog: Ah, so you\u2019re still able to work as a psychotherapist? Great. I hope you don\u2019t mind the impertinence but I have a few questions that a psychotherapist might be able to answer. I\u2019ll put the kettle on while you settle yourself in front of your Zoom app.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Tim:<\/strong> No worries. To be honest, there was no unit in\nmy counsellor training about how best to work with people during a pandemic. In\nthis situation, mental health professionals are in the same boat as everyone else,\nwhich honestly makes counselling really tough. But I\u2019ll do my best.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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AMT Blog:<\/strong> OK, I have my chamomile*. Shall we get\nstarted?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tim:<\/strong> Let\u2019s.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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AMT Blog: I\u2019ve temporarily closed my massage business\ndown and I feel a bit weird about it. I can\u2019t concentrate for long periods and\nI\u2019m struggling to have a conversation with my family. Why is that?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Tim:<\/strong> Thank you for saying so. I think most of us are\nfeeling like that. But really, is it any bloody wonder?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Look at everything we suddenly have to deal with: not only is\nit the indefinite loss of an income stream, we\u2019re dealing with a loss of\npurpose and identity, a loss of connection to others (for us, literally and<\/em> figuratively), a news cycle filled\nwith panic and negativity, a huge range of limits to our freedom and, as a\ncherry on top, the risk of contracting or passing on a deadly virus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This avalanche of threats is unprecedented for most of us. There are threats at every turn. And when our sense of safety feels threatened, as I\u2019m sure you know, our sympathetic nervous system takes over and devotes all of our internal resources to seeking safety. When we\u2019re perceiving threat for an extended period of time, like we are now \u2013 wondering how we\u2019re going to be able to pay for food and shelter \u2013 we can get stuck in hypervigilance, which leads to exhaustion, fatigue, sleep trouble, inability to concentrate, all that stuff. And that might make it difficult for you to recognise your own needs and be able to express them to the people around you. It\u2019s tough stuff. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

One of the things we can do is really tune into our\nself-talk and treat ourselves with compassion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What are we telling ourselves about the situation? Are we saying, \u2018You\u2019re not going to be able to handle this?\u2019 or maybe \u2018This is going to destroy you?\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We can turn it into something more compassionate like, \u2018This will be hard, but you\u2019ve gotten through hard things before\u2019 or, \u2018You don\u2019t have to get through it perfectly, just get through it\u2019. Whatever works for you, make it a mantra. Repeat it over and over again when things are feeling overwhelming.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou don\u2019t have to get through it perfectly, just get through it.\u201d<\/em><\/strong><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Maybe, too, we\u2019re piling \u2018shoulds\u2019 and \u2018musts\u2019 on ourselves. (Albert Ellis<\/a>, who originated Rational Emotive Behaviour Therapy, famously called this \u2018musturbation<\/a>\u2019) <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Are you thinking things like, \u2018I should<\/em> be feeling calmer and clearer-headed\u2019 or \u2018I must<\/em> do more to help everyone\u2019? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Challenge your \u2018shoulds\u2019 and \u2018musts\u2019 at every turn; they\u2019re\nreally preferences, not needs. For example, \u2018I would prefer to be feeling\nclearer-headed, but right now that\u2019s difficult.\u2019 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a tricky shift, especially if you\u2019re in the habit of \u2018should-ing\u2019\nlike most of us are. It requires that we focus on the positives \u2013 the things we\ncan<\/em> do \u2013 rather than the negatives. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Wherever we can, we have to get practical. If there are\nthings we can<\/em> change, let\u2019s do what\nwe can to change them. And for the things we can\u2019t change, we have to let them\ngo, at least until our circumstances change (or we finally get to talk to\nsomeone at Centrelink). We\u2019re all looking to regain a sense of control because\neverything seems so chaotic, but sometimes the only thing we can control is how\nwe respond to our circumstances. Easy to say, I know, but it\u2019s the tough truth.\n<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Getting over these habits takes work. Consider devoting some\ntime each day to working on your own mental health. Treat it as your quarantine\nhomework.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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AMT Blog: Thanks, that all makes sense – even the homework you’ve set me. Where can I go to get a bit more information on this?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Tim:<\/strong> For a start, ReachOut has this great infographic<\/a> about steps you can take to improve your self-talk. Try actually writing down some of those thoughts, as it suggests. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Also, the Centre for Clinical Interventions (WA) has a great resource on building self-compassion<\/a> and another on tolerating distress<\/a>, which you can work through at your own pace. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A UK group called Psychology Tools came up with this booklet<\/a> which focuses more on worry and anxiety, the things that might be clouding your thinking at the moment. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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AMT Blog: I\u2019m usually OK with my mental health but this\nis all different. What signs should I look out for to know that I might need\nsome assistance?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Tim:<\/strong> You\u2019re right. This is<\/em> all different. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For many people, an ongoing, moderate sense of worry will be\nthe healthiest possible response, because it serves the purpose of protecting\nus from the virus. It\u2019s the voice that reminds us to keep washing our hands and\nto keep physical distance from others. Such worry is likely to be less harmful\nthan the virus is. The people ignoring health warnings might be feeling\nindestructible now, but they face far graver risks if infected. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The most adaptive, life-sustaining option is, unfortunately, still not great: we\u2019re forced to self-isolate. This will be very hard for people with pre-existing mental health conditions like depression and anxiety, who will need to take extra self-care measures to manage it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There will also be people for whom the situation triggers a period of poor mental health. We all need to be on the lookout for the signs in ourselves and our loved ones. You might need to look for some professional help if:<\/p>\n\n\n\n