My attention span lasted as long as a hot chip in a flock of seagulls and with it went some of my boundaries, which is how I ended up responding to a simple \u201chow are you\u201d email from an acquaintance by unloading about my finance concerns and wondering how I\u2019d pay my rent. Within an hour I received a response.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI\u2019m going to pay your rent this month. I don\u2019t want you to pay me back. I\u2019m offering because I\u2019m in a position to. No use arguing with me. Send me your bank details.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
What would you do?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
OK, so my first reaction was to burst into tears. Nothing else during lockdown\/isolation\/no-work brought me to tears but that did.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My next reaction was \u201cNo way am I letting them give me that much money.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am the giver. Professionally, personally, traditionally. I wasn\u2019t going to quit being the giver.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But I needed help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After a solid hour pacing around the living room, I said thank you and accepted that help.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It felt strange and unsettling. Although being able to pay my rent was a massive relief.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/blog.amt.org.au\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/Aaa.jpg?resize=211%2C220&ssl=1\")
I was quite lucky during that no-working period and accepting that first act of kindness opened the door to more kindness. Offers of money, coffee beans, counselling session, a haircut and potting mix were gratefully received. Don\u2019t get me wrong, it still felt strange but saying thank you instead of \u201cshe\u2019ll be apples\u201d became easier.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Knowing that there are kind people in my life filled me with immense happiness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then came the crunch. It was time to be kind to myself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Self-Kindness<\/h4>\n\n\n\n
If you think of kindness being stored in a vessel \u2013 a big bucket of kindness \u2013 and when we show kindness to others, we take it from that bucket. We give and give and give until we can see the bottom of our kindness bucket. Since we can’t give from an empty vessel, how do we refill that bucket? Accepting kindness from others? For sure. What about receiving kindness from the biggest giver we know \u2013 ourselves?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Of course, self-kindness might be as simple as giving ourselves permission to take an afternoon off and read a good book or re-watch Sex Education. It might be deeper, such as not thinking negative thoughts about ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When I have challenging decisions to make, I like to have a discussion with Future Sharon. If I make her life easier, it\u2019s a good thing. I don\u2019t want to piss her off. I don\u2019t want Future Sharon to feel animosity towards Past Sharon.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Re-opening after lockdown loomed. I completed the AMT risk assessment tool. There were increased measures to be paid for: cleaning products, storage unit, PPE, signage. There was additional labour allocated to cleaning to get paid for.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Who was going to pay for this?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Me?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was time to call in Future Sharon and ask her how she felt about working longer hours and having more stuff to do and being paid a lower hourly wage.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then I asked her how her plans were going for that holiday she\u2019s longing for. Savings building up, Future Sharon?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I asked her how much she was loving paying bills without panicking where the money was coming from. Got that credit card spending under control, Future Sharon?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I won\u2019t use Future Sharon\u2019s exact words because she had quite the potty mouth but, to paraphrase, she resented me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So, who was going to pay my extra wage and for the increased cost of providing massages?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I\u2019m a massage therapist not a wealthy philanthropist. If I needed to apply for and receive government financial assistance to survive, I couldn\u2019t afford to absorb the additional costs of doing my job. It would be arrogance or a misguided assumption if I told myself that my clients would be unable to afford to pay a little more. Who am I to say what my clients can and can\u2019t afford? If a client approached me and told me that they couldn\u2019t afford my new prices, there are workable options like providing a shorter treatment or only providing treatments for that client during traditionally quiet periods of the week.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I made the decision to increase my prices for the second time this year.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s a few weeks since I re-opened and I look back at Past Sharon with gratitude, pride and respect. She made her decision so I could feel that I was earning my worth. To enable me to pay my bills and put some money away for the future.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was an act of kindness from the biggest giver I know. Me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Increasing my prices didn\u2019t cause even a tiny ripple of discontent amongst my clients but it enormously supported my self-worth, my self-respect and my starved bank balance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In the end it was an easy decision. By taking the emotion out of it, i.e. worrying that my decision would impact clients\/client numbers, it was the sensible thing to do.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Without the kindness of others, I wouldn\u2019t have made it through lockdown relatively unscathed. Without the kindness to myself, I wouldn\u2019t have been able to return to work as a massage therapist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wonder how much kindness we can accept and how much kindness we can give, before we decide to show our greatest kindness to ourselves.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
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