{"id":3022,"date":"2021-01-28T09:00:00","date_gmt":"2021-01-27T22:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/blog.amt.org.au\/?p=3022"},"modified":"2021-01-27T15:25:40","modified_gmt":"2021-01-27T04:25:40","slug":"all-the-lonely-clients","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.amt.org.au\/index.php\/2021\/01\/28\/all-the-lonely-clients\/","title":{"rendered":"All The Lonely Clients"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

by Tim Clark<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

\u201cSo many people are shut up tight inside themselves like boxes, yet they would open up, unfolding quite wonderfully, if only you were interested in them.\u201d<\/em><\/p>Sylvia Plath, Johnny Panic and the Bible of Dreams<\/em><\/cite><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Max* came to see me about some low back pain but it soon became clear the problem was more than just physical.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

He couldn\u2019t relax on the massage table. If I tried to move his arm or leg for him, the limb would invariably stiffen. He could not relinquish that much control.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

He loved to talk during his massages. Not just chitchat but real in-depth conversation about politics, art, music, current affairs, society at large. Talking with Max was intellectually stimulating but, for a bad multitasker like me, pretty exhausting. I sensed that he saw his time on the table as an opportunity to get out all the things he\u2019d had on his mind but had no one to tell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I, on the other hand, was hoping to offer him an opportunity to switch off what seemed to be an over-active mind, to give his nervous system a break from what I thought was hypervigilance.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a treatment one day, I suggested that it might be easier for him to relax if we talked less while he was on the table. We discussed it. He didn\u2019t like the idea. Said he could get all the silence he wanted at home.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I thought I was saying to him was: \u201cThis is how I want to help you.\u201d What I think he had heard was: \u201cShut up.\u201d We said an amiable goodbye but he never came back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That was about five years ago. I was just starting out as a massage therapist.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Though I can still understand why I said what I said, I look back at my experience with Max with some regret as an opportunity lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I wish I\u2019d known then what I know now about loneliness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What is Loneliness?<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Loneliness is \u201cthe discrepancy between a person\u2019s desired and actual social relationships\u201d.[1]<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

This is very different to simply \u2018being alone\u2019. We can be alone and be perfectly content with our social relationships. Conversely, we can be surrounded by people and still feel completely cut off, even those who are objectively closest to us.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Therefore, it\u2019s about our perception of the quality, not quantity, of our relationships. Researchers on loneliness use specific terms like \u2018perceived social isolation\u2019 or \u2018subjective social isolation\u2019 to distinguish it from \u2018objective social isolation\u2019, which simply means not having people around you.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I believe Max felt stifled by the silence of living alone but it\u2019s hard to know if he would have openly identified as \u2018lonely\u2019; the social stigma around loneliness is pretty strong.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

PD reflection idea: How would you feel if a client admitted to you that they were feeling lonely? What prejudices might come to the surface? Might you want to tell them to stop feeling sorry for themselves and just get out more? Might you move to \u2018rescue\u2019 or even befriend them yourself? What are your attitudes towards loneliness? Do you allow yourself to feel lonely? Where do you think your beliefs about loneliness come from?<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Also, loneliness can be short-term or ongoing. Research suggests that most episodes of loneliness last less than one year but those that last longer tend to last for three years or more.[2]<\/a> When it\u2019s short-lived, it serves as a healthy motivator for us to re-establish social connections. When it hangs around, it becomes problematic and can lead to serious health problems.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Is Loneliness Prevalent?<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

The subjective nature of loneliness makes quantifying it a bit slippery. The stigma around loneliness may lead survey respondents to report not feeling lonely when they do. Still, there are some consistent patterns in the research.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prior to the COVID-19 pandemic, the prevalence of \u2018problematic\u2019 loneliness in Australia was typically estimated at around 25-30%[3]<\/a>[4]<\/a> and figures from the UK at that time are comparable.[5]<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

A study made during the first wave of COVID-19 lockdowns in 2020 suggested that 54% of Australians felt lonelier during COVID-19, compared with 61% of Britons and 66% of Americans.[6]<\/a> It remains to be seen how the enforced social isolation of lockdowns will impact loneliness in the long term but, at any given time, we can assume about a quarter of the population is experiencing some degree of loneliness.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Who Does Loneliness Affect?<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n

Research has consistently shown that loneliness is particularly widespread among young adults aged 18-25[7]<\/a> [8]<\/a> [9]<\/a> [10]<\/a> and least common in those aged over 65. In young people, loneliness is often associated with social anxiety and depression.[11]<\/a>[12]<\/a><\/p>\n\n\n\n

In Australia, the groups that are most likely to experience ongoing, problematic loneliness are:<\/p>\n\n\n\n